Being a mum is a wonderfully fulfilling, rewarding and joyful experience. But it can also be an exhausting, frustrating and overwhelming business too.

As a mum, you are often the lynchpin of your whole family.  If you are tired, stressed and snappy, chances are your whole family is tense, as they take their lead from you and pick up on your vibes.

So, how do you get the balance right between your family’s needs and your own?  How do you find a way to be upbeat and enthusiastic rather than selfless yet exhausted?

One of the first things I encourage mums to do is to remember what they enjoyed doing before they had kids.  This releases positive happy memories and helps to relax you.  Was it sitting down with a cup of coffee and a magazine for half an hour, going to a film with your partner, or having a bubble bath with your favourite fragrance and a scented candle?

Thinking about this will help you to tap back into what makes you smile, relax and feel nurtured.  As a mum, you are often so busy looking after other people that you end up neglecting your own needs and, before you know it, you’re running on empty.

I believe it’s really important to look after yourself first because then you are in better shape emotionally, physically and mentally to look after your family in a positive way. 

That’s why on planes they tell you to put your oxygen mask on first, so that you are then in a position to help your child with his or hers!

Here's a wheel I use on my Work-Life Balance Workshops.  Take a few moments to relax and breathe deeply and slowly.  This helps you to become creative.

Start thinking of fun ways to recharge your batteries and replenish your energy, and write one in each segment of the wheel.

Now you’ve got seven ideas that you can act on once a week, once a month or even once a day - whenever you feel the need - to help you unwind, restore your energy and lift your spirits.  Pop these ideas in your diary, keep them by the phone or pin them up on the fridge to remind you.

I hereby grant you permission to BANISH THE BIG GUILT GREMLIN!

I’m here to tell you that looking after yourself and nurturing yourself is one of the key ingredients of being a brilliant mum.

Let go of being the perfect parent

Lots of mums feel that only they can do all the jobs that need doing properly.  Only they know their kids’ bedtime routines or little foibles.  But being a perfectionist is unrealistic and exhausting.  It also denies your child the broader experience of others contributing to their lives and doing things in different ways.

So allow people to help you and don’t take it as a weakness or a criticism or an indication that you can’t cope.  We all need a break so that we can bounce back full of renewed energy and raring to go.

Delegate

One of the quickest ways to alleviate the feelings of overwhelm is to delegate jobs around the house.

Young children love to help and can start by laying the table or putting their toys away.  Teenagers can bring down their washing and even turn on the washing machine if you show them how (as they are, after all, the most technically advanced generation!) and partners really can load up the dishwasher if they know it makes you smile more!

It’s about being open and confident about asking.  It’s also about expecting your family to be a team willing to pull together to help each other.

So grab a pen and paper and brainstorm all the jobs you currently do that could be shared out amongst your family.  Jot them down and allocate each one to a particular person or people.

Now just relax, close your eyes and daydream.   Imagine your family happily and willingly doing their jobs easily.  Make the picture in your mind full of colour and sounds, and bring the picture up close to you.  Feel how good it feels when everyone is pulling their weight and being part of a family team.

Now ask yourself:

• What will be the benefits to your children if they learn to help? (independence, confidence, cooperation, responsibility?)
• What will be the benefits to you?
• What could be some of the obstacles in the way to this happening?
• How will you get round them?
• What do you need to do to make these new ways into habits?

Relax, daydream and rehearse what you want to say, how you want to say it and where you want to talk with your family.  This gives you confidence, clarity and purpose.

Imagine it going well, enjoy those feelings and relax.